Just pack up and leave.

Only if I could or if I had the guts to just pack my things and leave. Seriously. I can’t help but feel more and more like leaving as the days go by. Being here has been so stressful and it gets even more stressful each day. I know this poster has been around for some weeks now and I’ve always thought ‘Oh, I wish. Only if…..’ But this week, that feeling grew stronger than ever.

Sometimes I feel like I make my life more complicated than it should be. I’m constantly stressed about looking for a job that would sponsor me and help me get a working visa since if I don’t, I would have to leave the country in less than a year. I can’t even do simple things like getting a phone plan without paying ridiculous amount of deposit. I can’t rent an apartment easily and just being in a foreign country with no support system (i.e. Parents) makes it ridiculously annoying and difficult. I’ve had to learn so many things from scratch (starting from doing the laundry to filing taxes) without having anyone to really learn from or give me advice on. I know more about this stuff than my parents do now. Simple things like moving becomes so much harder without having parents who can just drive up and help you and when I was in college, not having anywhere to go/sleep during holidays sucked. I know that these little stressful things won’t be necessary if I just simply bought a ticket and left – and went back home.

Sometimes I wish I was brave enough to do so. What’s stopping me? So many things and people I love that I can’t bare to leave behind. But more importantly, ME and my ambition. Yes, things would be so much easier for me to just let things go here and find a new place to settle (after all, that’s what I love to do) but at the same time, I know that this is just a part of growing up and living in a new place. I know that wherever I go, I’ll find some kind of obstacle. I also know for a fact that even though going back home and settling there sounds amazing at the moment (I could really use cheap rent, a tan, a massage and a glass of mojito) I will not be happy constantly feeling like I could always do more and that I was missing out on things. I am not ready to settle and I knew coming from the beginning that achieving my goals and my dreams was not easy. I have so much more to learn and to experience. I really want to not stop growing as a person, as a professional and I can’t settle at a place where it would make me feel like I was stuck at the same place forever.

I don’t know which is braver.. facing the problems, getting through them and toughing it out here or being able to pack things up, let go of some things and just simply leave. Both seems pretty cowardly to me. Either way, it would be like avoiding the obstacles I face now but I really do admire those people that can just pack up and leave to live their life… Conclusion is, I’m too greedy because I want all of those things without the problems in life and I’m scared of the uncertainties to just leave even if I wanted to.

Those of you out there, traveling and living your life, I admire you.

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10 thoughts on “Just pack up and leave.

  1. Pingback: The Big Announcement | indulge: capturing love, life & everything in between

  2. Following your heart is assuming you know what your heart really wants. And, leaving to be with another person is not a good idea. Believe me. You end up living their life instead of finding your own path. I often want to pick up and leave. I have nothing holding me here anymore. But, there are a few things to consider. What to live on, what happens if you get sick, where to go? If you don’t have a dream destination in mind then you could end up in the same situation. Maybe it’s the ocean or mountains or desert you’re craving. Maybe pleasant weather. Maybe it’s a less expensive life style. Maybe it’s the chance to escape difficult people. The landscape can change, the rent may be cheaper, but people? I wonder. Are people different in different areas of the country? Are they more welcoming of strangers in the West? Are they less friendly in the East? Midwest, from experience, is surface friendly, but suspicious of strangers. South, no clue, but probably a culture very different then what a Northerner is used to. It’s a lot to think about isn’t it? I guess all you can do is pick the place closest to what you think might fit and visit. Get a sense of it and than make the change if something about the place really feels right. That’s what I’m gonna do as soon as I figure out how far my old car will take me and if my cat can be tranquilized.

    • very well written I am feeling the same way right now and what you wrote hit home. Sometimes to experience life to the fullest you just have to burn your bridges and take big chances.

      • It’s amazing how you need those bridges again if things don’t work out on the other side. If you burn them, you better have a pretty good idea that your future destination is going to work out well. When you are young, chances are much easier to take. When you are older and have more responsibility, not so much. You can have a very nice little nest egg and think, “Hey, I can live on this a long time.” Then, something happens, like an illness or a break up and break ups can cost, a lot. If you are the kind of person who can let things roll off your shoulder and find a way to flourish in any situation, you’ll probably do well. If you are the kind of person who needs some security and reliable support, and doesn’t make friends easily, then think again. I know my limits and those are something I seriously consider before making any escape. Is it an escape and from what? Will the problem follow me? Should I start over again or, if I can’t make it work here what makes me think it will work there? Not so easy to up and fly away without at least knowing something about the culture of a place and if people are accepting of strangers.

      • Thanks for all your comments, ladies. Reading your comments brought me back to this post and reminded me of all the thoughts that went through my head a year ago. As you can see throughout my blog, I have had the same questions and thought process as you and have eventually decided to pack up and leave. I’m currently ‘living’ in Barcelona (only here for a few weeks) and carrying on to travel until I find something I want to do or a place I want to be in. I think asking all these questions and considering the options is really healthy. Hope you find the right place for you!

      • Well, good for you. I guess I was mistaken in thinking you were talking about settling some place in the US, not traveling through Europe. But, it makes sense if you want to live there. I’m curious though. How can you afford it? Are you able to find odd jobs in foreign countries very easily?

      • Actually, I’m not settling in Europe. I’m in Europe for three months, going to Cambodia for a month and then India for three months. After that, I don’t really have a plan. Hopefully find a teaching job in Korea (I took a teaching certification course) or getting a work travel visa to Australia. Maybe even finding a position in Cambodia while I’m there. Everything’s up in the air at the moment. And it’s not the easiest to find jobs in foreign countries but since I’m a Korean citizen, it wasn’t easy for me to get a working visa in the U.S. either. A lot of it came from working hard and researching a lot – which I’m hoping will help me overseas as well. I don’t have a lot of money or have rich parents paying for all my trips, unfortunately. I spent a year or so trying really hard to save and was able to save enough money to at least start this journey. :) And surprisingly, traveling hasn’t been costing me too much money – especially if I’m not looking to indulge it on fancy dining and hotels. You can read more about it on my recent posts and even on nananatravels.com. I’m taking this as a step in figuring out what I can do based on what I want to do and what I’m good at without being limited to a certain place. There are always ways to do it and a lot of people who have sucessfully done so! :)

      • Also, I tend to use my blog as a ‘thought-tangent’ and a lot of things have definitely changed since I wrote this post, mentally and situationally. So I don’t particularly agree with this post anymore at this point in time – but it still helps me to look back into my thought process + hopefully help others who are maybe in the same stage as I was. I do love coming back to the posts and discussing the changes I’ve been through though! Thanks for reading and commenting!

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